“I practiced so much yesterday, I forgot to eat”
“I pulled an all-nighter to memorize my music”
“My TMJ has really been flaring because of all the stress from rehearsals”
Too often, I have been captivated by what feels like a competition of misery in the music world. Discussions with colleagues about how little we’ve been sleeping, the never-ending struggle to make ends meet in a world that doesn’t value the arts like it used to, and who’s dealing with the worst stress reaction.
Working in a field powered by subjection means that we are constantly at the mercy of the changing, fickle opinions of those around us, whether that’s an audition panel, a teacher, a director, or anyone else who wields authority over us. The urgent desire to impress is not only natural, it’s a necessary part of making ends meet, because sometimes, if you lose a job you lose all of your financial security along with it.
Thus is born the Gloom Games. The never ending attempts to demonstrate how hard we are working by gloating over the most miserable parts of our existence as artists. God forbid your employer should overhear that your colleague put in more hours than you did, or slept less than you did, or painstakingly sacrificed their comfort while you were happy and content.
The Gloom Games are absolutely EVERYWHERE in our field, and it’s a real temptation to strive for Olympic gold. The past few years, I have really tried to fight this temptation. By allowing my healthy feelings of shame to be correctly ordered, I wound up actually prioritizing taking care of myself, and not bragging about my failures to do so. The more I practiced this mentality, the better I felt about myself both as a person and as a musician.
This result really surprised me. I thought I would feel like a failure when my colleagues loudly proclaimed how much they were suffering in their artistic struggles, but instead, I felt grateful for prioritizing my health and still being able to achieve my musical goals. As obvious as it sounds, taking good care of myself made me able to sing better, to learn music more efficiently, and to actually enjoy my profession, rather than being totally overwhelmed by it.
It made me further reflect about how our whole industry might be revolutionized if everybody adopted this shift in their mentality- to choose to mark their days by joy, rather than by misery. I have grown to very firmly believe that we will never achieve our true potential as musicians if we are ignoring our true potential as people. Musical growth will always be limited as far as we also limit our personal growth, and this includes building healthy habits, even when it’s challenging.
Like many other things in life, this isn’t the path of least resistance, but the effort required to build habits of health and joy are well worth their struggle. Know that those of us at The Hildegard Collective are always lifting you up in prayer, as you strive to become the best versions of yourselves, and, in doing so, become the best musicians you can be. Ad maiorem Dei gloriam!
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If you struggle with this, here are just a few practical tips to help you overcome the Gloom Games and begin to prioritize your physical, mental and spiritual health-
Check your eating habits. If you’re struggling to find meal times, schedule them in advance and really stick to them. If you find yourself eating unhealthily, put in 5 minutes of research to find healthier alternatives. Fueling your body properly will help virtually every aspect of your musicianship!
Prioritize prayer. Mother Teresa added an extra hour of Adoration to her particularly busy days. While this isn’t necessarily achievable for all of us, there are always opportunities to fit in prayer time. Maybe you have to walk to catch the train, or your lunch break allows you to spend some quiet time alone. Instead of filling these times with external distractions, choose to spend these moments in prayer with God. AND be totally open and honest with Him in your prayer. If you’re stressed, struggling, or angry, He wants to know all about it.
If you find yourself in the midst of the Gloom Games, and everyone around you is competing to be the most stressed and miserable, choose not to partake in the conversation. Instead say a quiet prayer for those people to reorder their lives in a healthy manner, and pray for yourself to remain steadfast in your conviction to overcome this particular temptation.
Have an accountability buddy for proactivity, sleep, and other healthy habits. Sometimes it feels so overwhelming to build these healthy habits alone, especially when we’re busy and it feels like there is so much to do, constantly. Having an accountability buddy can help you stay on track with your goals, and encourage you during difficult moments.
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